Thursday, September 13, 2012

Am I Taking Stupid Pills?

God has been slapping me upside the head lately.  With a proverbial two by four.  A lot.

And you know what?  I am totally ok with it.  In fact, more than ok.  It is great!  I want to share with you what God is trying to telling me.

As some of you may know, I am participating in a School Leadership Program.  It is a year long program where I have monthly readings, webinars and projects to work on.  It can be added stress at times, but I believe that God has placed me in that program for a reason.  I always said that I wouldn't be in a school leadership role, but look where I am at right now!?  I am the administrator of a preschool and in this program.  God is telling me something!

One of the books that we have to work through is Ordering Your Private World by Gordan MacDonald.  We only had to read the first two chapters this month, but boy is it striking a nerve!

The point of the book is for the person reading it to figure out how to organize your spiritual life.  What struck me in the second chapter alone is the following questions:
-Do you want to order your inner world to influence the outer?
- OR do you want to order the outer world to neglect the inner?

When I read those questions I realized just how easy it is for me to slip into the ordering of my outer world.  It is more tangible.  I can create a new way of binder organization for the classroom...I can write to do lists for my upcoming wedding...I can take our new fundraising program and work through the process systemically....but how am I taking care of my inner world?  Am I letting my control freak side of me control the outer world so much that my inner world is lacking?  I am such a perfectionist that if one little mistake is made, I drag myself down.  The thoughts inside my head say "Tera, you are such a failure.  How could you do that?  How did you let that slip?!"

Wow, talk about beating myself up!  Since reading those chapters, I feel like God is hitting my upside the head.  He is shaking me and saying "Tera, my child.  Let is go!  My strength is made perfect in your weakness!  Ask for forgiveness and move on!"

My inner world is a slow work in process.  I know I need to read the Bible more, do devotions, devote more time to prayer, but for me, the starting off point was accepting that I am going to make mistakes.  I can't control it all.

The title of this post is "Am I Taking Stupid Pills?"  because honestly that is what it has felt like ALL week.  I realized that I left last year's field trip time on this year's form.  The field trip is Monday!  Strike one Tera!  I left my mom's name on our new fundraising form.  Strike Two Tera!  I thought I lost money from a parent this week.  Strike Three Tera!  Man I am batting a thousand here!

But in the midst of all of those strike outs, I realize that I wasn't as upset with myself as I would've been a year ago, even two months ago.  God has EVERYTHING is His control.  That's why I realized, yes I may be taking stupid pills this week, but with God's help I realize it's OK!

I am beginning the process of ordering my inner world, and it is a daily slow struggle, but with God's help I can do it.  I want my inner world to reflect into my outer world.

So, will you join me in ordering your inner world?

P.S.   Check out this book if you have time!!

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